Should You Seek Answers or Wisdom?

There is a powerful difference between searching for the answer to a question and pursuing the wisdom in any life challenges.




Consider for a moment that we think of "answers" as one-sentence conclusions to questions: Here's the question and here's the answer. Q&A makes a great partnership, so why shouldn't we apply that method of investigation to probing the deeper concerns of our life? Because sometimes the Q&A method misses the target when that target becomes more complex than a one-sentence response. Sometimes the more pressing matters of life are better served by recognizing that a simple answer will not suffice. Rather, a meaningful quest is better served by the acquisition of wisdom and insight rather than an answer to a question. Consider that wisdom is a game-changing force because in seeking wisdom, you are pursuing a "truth trigger," a hidden mechanism in a situation that, once discovered, initiates a process of transformation that cannot be aborted. Answers can be argued with; wisdom is a final but enlightening truth.



Take the question, "What makes you happy?" Is there really a one-sentence answer to that question? For all the seductive energy that question generates—and it does—listing the ingredients of personal happiness remains among of the most challenging questions for people to actually answer. I know. I have asked countless audiences throughout my workshop career to answer that question, to actually articulate in detail the specific items that equal happiness for them. In the vast majority of cases, people respond with silence or by saying that they are uncertain.



At first, these responses baffled me. Was it stage fright? Were people not interested in happiness? Hardly. I reshaped the question to, "How many of you are searching for happiness in some way?" That question hit the high marks, and most hands flew up. That question then became the precursor to, "What makes you happy?" Logically, if you know what makes you unhappy, surely you must have at least a slight idea—a fantasy—anything, something in your imagination about what would make you happy. Still, when it came to actually articulating the specifics of what they wanted and needed to be happy, most people hesitated—and still do.



I finally realized that beyond the discontentment that often drives us to despair or to think we are unhappy is a deeper wisdom that that tells us that, "You may be unhappy, but that does not mean you are in the wrong place with the wrong person or people." Unhappiness may be a temporary phase, an overload of the current pressures of life or a need to recognize self-neglect. It may be that you need to take a step back and evaluate if and how you have "de-animated" much of your life. Perhaps, over time, you gradually withdrew your enthusiasm, and you never even realized it. We often de-animate relationships, jobs, everything and anything, and because it happens so gradually, we don't discover we are depleted until we are so low on energy that our entire life looks bleak.



Not answering the happiness question can also be an indication that a person is waiting for someone else to change everything and make her world a better place, a place she doesn't really want to leave but just have renovated. So the person is still aware that the fundamental ingredients for happiness are in her life—they just need to be reenergized. But who is supposed to change and do all that work? Ah—that's the deal-breaker.



Part of the reason for the inability to chart a "happiness course" or to actually list the items on your happiness wish list may also be due to the inadequacy of the Q&A model itself, meaning that we associate answers with finality. And we are held to our answers, like flies on flypaper. If we say, "I need more freedom in my life and less responsibilities and a more understanding partner," we have to logically wonder, "Is that just for now or will that always be true?" Answers are dicey things. How we answer today is not how we would answer this same question tomorrow—and there is a wisdom in us that knows this to be the case. Thus, we often prefer to pass on the question, to ponder it a bit longer, to hesitate awhile before we actually commit to an answer.



If you look through the lens of wisdom, you can discern an even more subtle reason that holds people back from giving "direct answers to direct questions": We know that truth changes our life. We hesitate to speak or seek truth too ambitiously precisely because of the power it yields—the power to change our life. Again, an inner wisdom tells us to proceed with caution when we are asked questions that may appear to be socially interesting but that could, in fact, pick at deep scabs beneath the surface. I suspect that many people fear answering life-changing questions—such as matters regarding happiness—too directly because they really do not want to be lifted all that far from the circumstances of their familiar world. Most people really do not want to be jettisoned away from the people both dear and irritating to them because, in spite of the highs and lows, these are "their" people. And our gut wisdom tells us that if we answer too loudly, if we say too much, we just might lose the familiar world we know. So we hold back and say very little. The most common pattern I have experienced is that we feel comfortable admitting that we are seeking happiness, but we hesitate to actually name what is missing—unless we have nothing to lose.



As with all matters in life, we have exceptions. I have met several people who have no fear in speaking up and saying exactly what they are looking for and what they believe will make them happy. Some are prepared to go the distance and initiate all life changes. Others often review their wish lists and compare them with their ambition and then hit a midrange compromise. Most people, however, "dwell in possibilities," as the great poet, Emily Dickinson so aptly put it. Part of the reason for the inability to chart a "happiness course" or to actually list the items on your happiness wish list may well lay in the reality of the Q&A model, meaning that it is.



So what does wisdom tell us about happiness? If we thought about seeking wisdom in the significant matter of life rather than answers, how would that change our approach?



Wisdom Jewels



1. Wisdom is the search for truth and insight. Do an evaluation and appraisal of all the ingredients in your life. Is it likely you will walk away from your present situation? If not, then the wise move is to walk back in and give it all you got. Life has cycles of good times and bad, ups and downs, highs and lows. It's the wise person who recognizes where she is in that cycle and whether it's the energy of the cycle that is exhausting or a more personal level of guidance.





2. If you come to the conclusion after your appraisal that these are not the right ingredients for you—then have the wisdom to acknowledge that truth and realize that truth will not change. You have to act on that truth if happiness is of any value to you much less your health.



3. And no matter what you decide, you can't go wrong following these wise policies in all matters, as they can only add to your happiness: Make no judgments; have no expectations; give up the need to know why things happen as they do; and release the words "blame" and "deserve" from your vocabulary forever.
 
 
 
Author: Unknown

A trying time

I've been punting the line..."work to live NOT live to work" but i feel like my work is consuming me. Not the work exactly, choices regarding my work.

I work far away, about 70 km's or an hour away from home. Every morning I leave the house in flurry so that i miss traffic and I can make it to work on time(6:30 am these days). I make it home just in time to have supper and a little chat and then resign to recuperation for the next day.

I enjoy the work I do, I've always dreamed of doing design and development work and Alhamdulillah , that's what I am doing. Its probably no place for a gal, but I'm managing and often enough, enjoying myself.

There's sometimes tho', when I want to just be at home or at least closer to home. When I think the stresses associated with the working world and working with men is too much for me to handle. When i think that my own personal happiness in working at what makes me shine should be forfeited for the greater good.Or rather that making those around me have more enjoyable lives should be paramount to my own selfish pursuits and that in doing so I will find the most comfort.

Perhaps I need a career change, who knows , a friend of mine changed from Mechanical Engineering to Hotel Management. Maybe I should do the same or similar, and concede that the elders were right and that the engineering world is no place for a gal with good intentions.

There's things out there far harsher than workshops and heavy duty machinery. I have often re-discovered this but the words "thick skin" have never described me.

I'm stubborn , and these thoughts have crossed my mind too often. When I had to end communications with a colleague because of my feminine presence having an adverse effect on his work, I should have given up. I didn't! I wasn't going to let the men win this 1.

Its repeating itself , history and horrid thoughts of giving in to circumstance.

I said I wouldn't buckle , but that was all words. I never want to have to change me because of some1 else.

I want the world to start changing around me. Will I ever reconcile these two ambitions? Will I ever know which green grass is for me ? My fighting spirit is broken, if just for a while. 

Let the wind sweep away the fallen feather of broken wings , I am neither angel nor devil! I am human too!

scholarship scheme for high school learners

Click here to take survey

Leadership ...

Leadership Qualities


Ten Ways to Identify a Promising Person

The most gifted athletes rarely make good coaches. The best violinist will not necessarily make the best conductor. Nor will the best teacher necessarily make the best head of the department.

So it's critical to distinguish between the skill of performance and the skill of leading the performance, two entirely different skills.

It's also important to determine whether a person is capable of learning leadership. The natural leader will stand out. The trick is identifying those who are capable of learning leadership over time.

Here are several traits to help identify whether someone is capable of learning to lead.

Leadership in the past. The best predictor of the future is the past. When I was in business, I took note of any worker who told me he was superintendent of a school or a deacon in his church or a Boy Scout leader. If he showed leadership outside of the job, I wanted to find out if he had some leadership potential on the job.
The capacity to create or catch vision. When I talk to people about the future, I want their eyes to light up. I want them to ask the right questions about what I'm talking about.
The founder of Jefferson Standard built a successful insurance company from scratch. He assembled some of the greatest insurance people by simply asking, "Why don't you come and help me build something great?"
A person who doesn't feel the thrill of challenge is not a potential leader.
A constructive spirit of discontent. Some people would call this criticism, but there's a big difference in being constructively discontent and being critical. If somebody says, "There's got to be a better way to do this," I see if there's leadership potential by asking, "Have you ever thought about what that better way might be?" If he says no, he is being critical, not constructive. But if he says yes, he's challenged by a constructive spirit of discontent. That's the unscratchable itch. It is always in the leader.
People locked in the status quo are not leaders. I ask of a potential leader, Does this person believe there is always a better way to do something?
Practical ideas. Highly original people are often not good leaders because they are unable to judge their output; they need somebody else to say, "This will work" or "This won't."
Brainstorming is not a particularly helpful practice in leadership, because ideas need to stay practical. Not everybody with practical ideas is a leader, of course, but leaders seem to be able to identify which ideas are practical and which aren't.
A willingness to take responsibility. One night at the end of the second shift, I walked out of the plant and passed the porter. As head of operations, I had started my day at the beginning of the first shift. The porter said, "Mr. Smith, I sure wish I had your pay, but I don't want your worry." He equated responsibility and worry. He wanted to be able to drop his responsibility when he walked out the door and not carry it home. That's understandable, but it's not a trait in potential leaders. I thought about the porter's comment driving home. If the vice-president and the porter were paid the same money, I'd still want to be vice-president. Carrying responsibility doesn't intimidate me, because the joy of accomplishment-the vicarious feeling of contributing to other people-is what leadership is all about.
A completion factor. I might test somebody's commitment by putting him or her on a task force. I'd find a problem that needs solving and assemble a group of people whose normal responsibilities don't include tackling that problem. The person who grabs hold of the problem and won't let go, like a dog with a bone, has leadership potential. This quality is critical in leaders, for there will be times when nothing but one's iron will says, "Keep going." Dale Carnegie used to say, "I know men in the ranks who will not stay in the ranks. Why? Because they have the ability to get things done." In the military, it is called "completed staff work." With potential leaders, when the work comes in, it's complete. The half-cooked meal isn't good enough.
Mental toughness. No one can lead without being criticized or without facing discouragement. A potential leader needs a mental toughness. I don't want a mean leader; I want a tough-minded leader who sees things as they are and will pay the price. Leadership creates a certain separation from one's peers. The separation comes from carrying responsibility that only you can carry. Years ago, I spoke to a group of presidents in Columbus, Ohio, about loneliness in leadership. One participant, president of an architectural firm, came up afterward and said, "You've solved my problem." "What's your problem?" I asked. "My organization's always confused," he said, "and I didn't know why. It's because I don't like to be lonely; I've got to talk about my ideas to the rest of the company. But they never know which ones will work, so everybody who likes my idea jumps to work on it. Those who don't, work against it. Employees are going backward and forward-when the idea may not even come about at all." Fearing loneliness, this president was not able to keep his ideas to himself until they were better formulated. A leader must be able to keep his or her own counsel until the proper time.
Peer respect. Peer respect doesn't reveal ability, but it can show character and personality. Trammell Crow, one of the world's most successful real estate brokers, said that he looks for people whose associates want them to succeed. He said, "It's tough enough to succeed when everybody wants you to succeed. People who don't want you to succeed are like weights in your running shoes." Maxey Jarmen used to say, "It isn't important that people like you. It's important that they respect you. They may like you but not follow you. If they respect you, they'll follow you, even if perhaps they don't like you."
Family respect. I also look at the family of a potential leader: Do they respect him or her? Fifteen years ago, my daughter said, "Dad, one thing I appreciate is that after you speak and I walk up, you are always attentive to me. You seem proud of me." That meant a lot to me. If respect isn't there, that's also visible. The family's feelings toward someone reveal much about his or her potential to lead.
A quality that makes people listen to them. Potential leaders have a "holding court" quality about them. When they speak, people listen. Other people may talk a great deal, but nobody listens to them. They're making a speech; they're not giving leadership. I take notice of people to whom others listen.
It's not enough for people to have leadership potential; they must have character and the right setting in which to grow. Before I give someone significant leadership responsibilities, I find it helpful to ask myself several questions:

What will this person do to be liked? It's nice to be liked, but as a leader it cannot be the controlling factor. The cause must be the prime motivator.
Does this person have a destructive weakness? There are only two things I need to know about myself: my constructive strength and any destructive weakness. A destructive weakness may not show up on a test; it's a character flaw. A destructive weakness may, for example, be an obsession. An obsession controls us; we don't control it. It only grows worse over time.
Can I provide this person the environment to succeed? It is so important, particularly in the early days of someone's leadership, that he or she be put into a congenial environment. I wouldn't want, for example, to put someone who requires mentoring with a leader who pays no attention to people. An environment that threatens our sense of security or well-being splits our concentration from the cause. Young leaders need an environment in which they can concentrate on leading.
(Fred Smith, LEADERSHIP JOURNAL; Fall 1996, Vol. XVII, No. 4, Page 30)

a look inside of google...and its engineers

Reflecting on a year in top gear

The thrill of racing at top gear often landed me with a bundle of speeding fines. Its been a journey worth travelling but that didnt stop me from being forced 2 slam on the brakes 1 too many times!

Im at a complete halt at the moment...well sorta ...im preparing 2 take a much needed pit stop. This after travellin a a last climb populated with potholes. In the past month I experienced a combination of home, work and social drama.im just grateful 2 have survived this rough ride; bruises & all.

often when ur in overdrive u simply react 2 the pace set by other road users. And so I had ,earlier in the yr, thought it appropriate 2 learn 4rm the mor insightful indivs. on the road. I observd myself being more n more of a lemming.driven off course 2 often. My route probably needs 2 b changed.

Changn routes can be difficult wen uv gt people traveln with u. I met some unreal people . People that made n effort 2 get 2 know me & still acceptd me. Its in 1 of those incidnts that I was testd...i couldnt reciprocate the reaction as hard as I tried. I gues I wil have 2 travel with others!

I've had some detours.i acquired a navigator in d frm of my sister. After 18 mnths in Italy her sense of direction was,however, being influenced by the north pole...always lookin south. This testd my patience. Shes taken a bit o tym bt has alignd herself globally by nw.

It has bn a drive like many others. Wen ppl gt ill I was reminded 2 stick 2 the slow lane. Nothin is mor important in my life than me but my life is unappreciatd widout others. wen friends and family found themselvs on gravel rds or ended rds I had 2 concede 2 spend less tym racing 2 milestones in my journey & mor tym enjoying the way.